Ten Years. May 9th, 2007.  The day that changed everything in my life was ten years ago.  It was only ten years ago, but there are days that it’s been a long ten years.  Throughout the struggle and heartbreak there are several truths that have stood the test of time.

On May 9th, I was driving to take my college finals in San Antonio when a man walked out in front of me.  He was instantly killed.  I had no idea how to move on with my life when he couldn’t. It just seemed so unfair.   The pivotal moment happened when I realized that I could live for him.  My life transformed from one of selfish gain to one of making a difference in this world to honor him.  In his name, I wade through my own fears in order to leave a lasting impact in this world.

We all face the same fears.  Fear of failure and rejection are almost enough to stop me in my tracks some days.  When I remember my reason for fighting, the impact of these fears gets smaller and smaller.

It would be so tempting to tell myself that I don’t deserve happiness because he doesn’t get any. This isn’t the path of strength, but one of selfishness.  In order to use my pain, it requires me to lay my life down for others.  There’s no time for wallowing in my own self-pity.  I have people to love, dreams to conquer and a life to live.

All because he can’t.

I’m thoroughly convinced more than ever that have a purpose and reason beyond yourself will change you in ways that leave people scratching their head.  Whether through divorce, death, or the plethora of hardships we walk through we can use this to find purpose and focus.  No one outside of that can influence the drive that keeps us pushing through.  They can’t control it or change it.  It’s too big.  It’s too important.  Honestly, that is when the transformation happens.  We have all been through tough relationships, but when they no longer control and dictate the person we are…there is true victory!

Every single day, we have a choice. Live as a victim or live as a warrior.  Live in denial or live in strength.  Whatever pathway you choose, it will be your pathway alone to reckon at the end of your life.  No one else will have to answer the question of “Did I live enough?”  So live. Find purpose and your life won’t be exhausting, but a journey of finding yourself along the way.

Live in hardship.

Live in heartbreak.

Live in tragedy.

AND

Live in victory.

Live in love.

Live in purpose.

Live in joy.

As always, I write this because he can’t. I seek joy and happiness in order to influence others, because he can’t.  I love because he can’t.  I smile today because he can’t.  I’m going to hug my family extra tight today because he has a mom with empty arms.  I’m going to cherish my friends and family today because his friends and family remember him too today.  I’m going to walk bravely through my day because he can’t.  I’m going to face my fears today because his life brings me courage.

Mothers Day, May 2007

Read the whole story! Buy the book on amazon.  “Dearly Loved Exile”

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